I had the most incredible experience today. I did something that I didn't want to do but felt that it was the right thing to do. By all means I should be devastated. I'm not. I'm actually quite happy. That's what's incredible. Sorina says I'm masochistic to a fault, or whatever that ridiculous thing is that she always tells me. (to be honest, honey, I don't really remember because I think you're wrong. :P) But, I've always heard that happiness is a choice or journey and not a destination and I usually just kind of smile and nod because I don't believe it. But maybe everyone's right. That's not to say that I'm not a happy person in general...because I am. (mom if you happen to read this...no...I'm not suicidal *rolls eyes*)

I guess...it's about looking forward...I've spent so much of my life looking back at lost opportunities or at better times...do you remember that story from the bible? The one about Lot and his wife leaving Sodom and Gomorah. Yah...and Lot's wife looked back and was turned to salt?...or something... Very symbolic. She didn't want to leave. Looking back was her mourning her life changing. That's why I think Jeff can be so ok with whatever happens to him. (correct me if I'm wrong) But he doesn't look back. That's why I'm finally ok with NOT talking about Cameron. I don't have to talk about him because I'm finally not going over and over what I could have done differently. It happened. So, what.

That's what the Savior means when He says that He won't remember your sins anymore. That's what it means to be healed by the Savior. You don't have to look back anymore. You don't have to be dominated by who you were. I think I'm slowly learning that this life is forgiving, that my Savior is forgiving, that people are forgiving. Maybe, I should forgive myself. Maybe looking back won't cut it more.