Flashback! Last year I had a friend that insisted on watching this ridiculous Alfred Hitchcock movie called The Birds. It was terrible. The movie did not have one note of music in it and it was about these black crows pecking people to death. It was so dumb.
Anyway, I've been noticing a peculiar pattern in my life. Everyday when I leave for school, there are two black crows hovering over my porch. When I get on campus two black crows follow me as I walk through the parking lot. Then they follow me to my car when I'm done with classes. When I get home, there are still two crows hanging around my apartment door. Can we say creepy? I never thought that I would ever get creeped out from that stupid Hitchcock movie...but...I am. I tell you...it's weird. I really don't want to get pecked to death. :(

Well! On to my real topic of discussion. I've been thinking a lot about treating others with kindness and at the very least civility. Let's face it, no one feels good when they are treated poorly or even when they treat others poorly. I know that I feel pretty crummy when I'm not nice to someone. But where does kindness come from? There always is that someone that just gets on your nerves and you wish with all your heart that you won't run into them today. (I have math everyday with one)

All my life I've always heard about the golden rule: do unto other as you would have done unto you, along with: Love people as Christ loves them. So, while I'm not the best example of these wonderful pieces of advice, I've decided to try and see people for their potential and not for who they are right now. This experiment has only been going on for a few days, but I've already noticed a change in my attitude towards other people. I've noticed that it's easier to be nice to them because I can see (at least in that small moment) who they could be...their best selves...maybe even who they should be.

Anyway, I hope that I myself can be my best self...who I should be...who I want to be...and hope others can see that as well. :) Anyway love you guys!

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Emotional Dumpage

Sometimes you come to visit me in my dreams. Most of the time it's when I'm at some emotional crisis or when I'm really stressed. Sometimes you're with me again and we're happy and in love. Most often though I dream of you holding me. You were my only source of comfort for the longest time. I find myself crying into your arm as you cradle me and shush my fears away. But then sometimes, I dream that you are after me; that you're trying to kill me. I can feel the fear rise in my throat as you chase me down.
Sometimes I remember these dreams when I wake. They are so vivid and real that I can almost feel your breath on my face. I can feel your body against mine when you hold me, when you cradle me, when you capture me. It's so familiar-your body-and the emotions that come with it. You may have been my only comfort for a time...but that was only because you wouldn't allow me any other source of comfort.
As I go through out my day I feel the emotional presence of you with me. Sometimes it is frightening and other times it's comforting...but it always is disturbing.
Sometimes I don't remember the dream, but I know that you came to visit. I've come a long way from the wreck that you left me in, but you still leave an emotional imprint when you visit my dreams. When will I finally be free of you? You may think that you let me go...but why are you still there if you have?

I stumbled across this incredible musician from Rexburg Idaho. His name is Preston Pugmire. Anyway, he came to sing at suu and I went to see him and LOVED his stuff. I found it to be really soul healing, so I wanted to share some lyrics with the universe, I guess. This one is called "I am love." Also, here's his myspace url just in case you're interested in hearing more! www.myspace.com/parkersmusic. Enjoy!

Just so you know I could make you lose your breath. Just so you know I don’t believe that there’s nothing left. And you don’t know who I am. I am love; spinning in your mind. And I am love; filling up your time. And I am love; just asking you to stay with me, please.
Just so you know I’ll be here when you return. And so it goes. I stare at the sun and watch you burn. You still don’t know who I am. I am love; spinning in your mind. And I am love; filling up your time. And I am love; just asking you stay with me, please.
Just so you know I am love; spinning in your mind. And I am love; filling up your time. And I am love; you don’t know what I can do. And I am love; if you’ll only see me through. And I am love just asking you to stay with me, please, cause I am love.

I've realized two things that I'd like to verbalize. Well, I want to verbalize one of them...

I find comfort in the ghetto. But I don't mean ghetto really but that's the best word I can think of. For example: I felt most comfortable and at home in Kerby's piece of junk van. This van was the definition of ghetto. Really, I don't know what held it together. The ac didn't work so we always had to roll down the windows to cool us down. Picture going a hundred down I-15 with all the windows rolled down and music blaring from the speakers! geez, that was fun.

Or in Kerby's basement. His basement wasn't spotlessly clean but I felt at home there. Nate's jeep. It's reliable and loud and it shakes when it reaches high speeds and it's littered with artifacts from Nate's life. Yet, I feel at home there. Squirrel's house is a lot like Kerby's basement. It isn't spotless but I feel at home. That's why I was ok with living in Juniper.

I don't find comfort in the stark white houses that smell of cleaning chemicals. In fact, I couldn't feel more out of place. I wonder why this is. My house, the house I grew up in, certainly isn't ghetto. I dunno. Just something I noticed.