Well, here it is again. My mom says that it's my lot in life to send off my best friends into the unknown. Maybe it is. but this is the last one. Colbren. wow. I've been through all the emotions with him. I've hated him, i've gotten angry with him...and frustrated. But he's brought me joy, and comfort, and i've loved him. Just like all of my really close friends.
The thing about sending missionaries off is that you don't quite know what will happen in two years. Will you see them again? and if you do will things be the same? It's so hard to let someone go when you know deep down that even if you do see them at the end of those two years things won't be the same. In a way it is a permanent goodbye. You're saying goodbye to life with that person as you know it.
Colbren. I've never been treated with so much kindness before. Sure, my really close friends have always treated the girl of their interest with much respect and thoughtfulness. I've just never been on the receiving end of it. I've always been the observer. But with Colbren, I have been on the receiving end. It kind of helps me know now what it must feel like to have someone really care about you...and that maybe i shouldn't settle for anything less. I've seen that boy grow so much. I've seen his conversion and i've seen how strong in the Spirit he can be. That's what i want. Sigh. so, like wes, he now will be a measuring stick: one of the people i compare everyone against. Sigh.
Goodbye Colbren.

I saw a play tonight, Life Without Parole, about actual women who were in abusive relationships who were pushed far enough to kill their own husbands. Horrific things happened to these women...unmentionable things. One thing in particular did catch my attention. Each relationship started out the same way. Their husbands were everything these women wanted. Then slowly, they started becoming suspicious and controlling. I understood what they were saying. I understood the shame that they felt in telling people that they were abused. While my relationship never escalated to the same extremes as these women, I have no doubt that if I stayed in that relationship that it very well would have.
Some of these women were in multiple abusive relationships either with their father or brother or peers. Why is it, that when people get out of one abusive relationship they fall right into another? I even have a hard time recognizing the same warning signs that I've already seen. Example: Hank. yes Hank. And Nate Wes. So, what do I do? I fear that I tire people with constantly talking about this...constantly talking about Cameron. I fear that I tire you and that I tire my parents because to be honest, while I may tell other people, you and my parents are the only ones that I know believe me. Well, and Colbren, but i tire him too and i don't want to taint his friendship with Cameron. But I do fear that I tire you guys, but the thing is, you don't just get over something like that. And while I try to move on I still think about Cameron almost everyday. And I don't want to rant about him, I just want to move on and be a smarter person when I move on, but it doesn't seem like I am. Example: Hank. And Nate Wes.